Ten things I like about my Open Relationship

Someone asked me if I “liked” being in my open relationship.

I think this is a funny question, because why would I be in a relationship I don’t like being in? — but then I remember I used to do that a lot and I know a lot of people who are in relationships with agreements they don’t really like.

This is optional! You can be in a relationship that you like! You can like the whole thing!

I fought hard to be able to say that yes I DO like being in my open relationship, because I designed it around myself and my desires.

Here are ten things I love about being in my open relationship:

1. This way allows more love. My man is so lovable, and when someone agrees with me about that we are sure to be friends.

2. I love sharing my love for him with others who love him, which extends beyond friends and family to any women he chooses to share his body/attention with.

3. I love seeing him celebrated and knowing he’s nourished and filled up.

4. I value other women and it makes sense to me that he does too. I trust his desire and his discernment. I believe he would only bring value into our lives, and I trust that his commitment to me goes far beyond sexual exclusivity. He shows his commitment to me every day in the way he provides for me, connects with me, shows up for me, leads me, and protects me. He shows me all the time that he cares for me and I’m important to him.

It strikes me as really arbitrary to limit what kind of connections are allowed in his life beyond ours. I wouldn’t consider it healthy for me to limit his interactions with his family or friends…

It also feels disrespectful to his ability and willingness to keep our relationship a priority among other priorities. He’s already doing that with work and friendship and family, and I respect the way he holds everything. I trust that if he took on a more intimate relationship, he would add it with the same grace.

5. We both enjoy our time apart, feeling into ourselves and doing our own thing. And if our own thing happens to involve relations with other people, it’s just another way of receiving nourishment while we are apart so we can come back together full and nourished, ready to pour into the connection we have.

6. In our relationship, our mutual nourishment is non-negotiable. I take a stand for his (and my own)
-sleep
-exercise
-pleasure
-desire
-freedom
-time alone
-healthy connections with others

I want him to get all of these things, because that’s what keeps him at his very best. We both deserve to occupy our very best selves and interact with each other’s best selves.

7. I respect that it is up to him how he gets nourishment, and I have systems and strategies to nourish myself when he’s not available to be the source of my nourishment. My nourishment has MANY sources, and it’s my responsibility to draw from others as I respect his sovereign choice and desire. I’m not entitled to demand time, energy, or attention from him. All of those things are his to allot where he chooses.

8. I only want to be with him when he’s in a state of desire for my presence. I love to be in a state of desire for his presence, so even when I’m missing him, I’m experiencing the pleasure of that.

9. As a result of this commitment to being together from a state of desire, we associate each other with desire and nourished-feelings. Of COURSE we want to spend a lot of time together — it always feels juicy and good!

10. Sex with other people is just one of many sources of nourishment I want him (and myself!) to be able to draw on. It’s just as neutral or as charged as I decide it is.