What a Ride on a Rollercoaster Taught Me about Life
I was a teenager when I first decided to try to relax on a rollercoaster.
I don’t remember what inspired me to try it, but I wanted to experience agency and control over my state of being.
I decided that my decision to get on the ride at all was me trusting that the ride was safe. If I didn’t truly believe the ride was safe, I wouldn’t be getting on.
So if I was safe, and believed I was safe, did I really have to freak out, to scream, to tense my muscles and hold on?
Or could I RIDE the rollercoaster, the way I would ride a motorcycle or a horse? Could I relax my body and lean in, have a serene smile on my face?
I found that I could.
When my heart leapt, I put more space around her.
I breathed shallowly until I could breathe deeply.
I kept my eyes closed until I felt safe and held enough by the harness to open them.
I softened my muscles and focused on the connection points with the harness, how tightly and inescapably I was held. I let the safety of the harness be the most informative aspect of the reality of my safety — I made the harness my ground.
And I reasoned that, if the ride were unsafe after all, I’d be having a delightful time going to my inevitable death.
This is the practice I apply to my life. This is a fractal of the process of overcoming reactivity and selecting the experience I want to have through radical acceptance of the circumstances.
It’s not easy, or linear. No one who begins on this path has any relevant experience. And discovering the ability to choose your experience will confront you with the reality of your preference, like if I found I preferred to feel scared on the roller coaster.
When I conquer my reactivity, I truly face myself.
Facing myself, I am free.
